Wednesday, September 9, 2009

What Marriage Means To Me

Today's post is once again inspired by one of my fave blogs Mama Kat.

I have been married for almost 10 years, and the one question my single friends always ask me is, "How do you know when "he's" the "one"?

"I got lucky I suppose." No real formula, just a feeling!

However, after being married for so many years with three children, I do have a formula for what makes a marriage work and what it means to me.

1. Commitment.

2. Security.

3. Friendship.
My true best friend is my husband. He understands my ups and downs, my heart, my fears, my strengths, my abilities, my desires, my spiritual being, and everything about me.

4. Compromise.
This word carries a negative stigma with it, but it is a positive in my world. It means humbling yourself in order to make your partner happy. A marriage is not about "my needs" "my feelings" "my goals". It's about "ours" which in turn strengthens the "I".

5. Team parenting.
Kids will fall through the cracks if mom and dad do not stand tall "together". They rely on consistency and routine. Your children will learn how to respect and treat their own spouse in the future, as an example of how you co-parent and co-exist.

6. Laughter.
I love laughing with Kurt. We bring each other to joyous tears all the time. It keeps our spirits light and our bond strong.

7. Tradition.
We have maintained our old traditions and enhanced it with our own too. Traditions that are a direct reflexion of our values and priorities in life.

8. Spiritual oneness.
We are both of different faiths, but of one spiritual soul. We say "thank yous" at dinnertime and talk about the meaning of God and Faith and Religion on a regular basis. We agree to disagree while embracing the common good that is present in both our hearts.

9. Commonality.
We discuss our common goals as a family and as a couple at least monthly. We develop a plan that is accommodating to everyone and will ultimately get us to the finish line. We stumble along the way, but always check back in with one another to keep us on track.

10. Freedom.
Freedom to be who I am essentially without being judged. Freedom to pursue interests with the platform of my husband. Freedom to feel beautiful in my own skin. Freedom to feel wanted and needed and not lonely.

These are the 10 Things that capture the essence of a marriage for me. Every couple has their individual "secret" to a lasting marriage. We are all unique in what keeps us feeling loved and validated.


Erin said...

Those sound like the perfect recipe to a great marriage!

Rannyjean said...

Hubby and I are coming up on 28 years here soon and some of things we have found are these:
1-Commitment is #1, even when we were separated due to employment or other things, we were committed to each other until we made a final decision of what to do!
2-Trust, if you can't trust the other person, don't marry them & if they have broken your trust more than once, please seek counseling.
3-Laughter, No matter how bad things get or how dismal things look always remember to laugh!
4-Passion...even with our children and our grandchildren, we have found time for passion.
5-In sickness and health really means in Sickness no matter how long the healing takes.
6-For richer or poorer, with the economy today, for poorer means hang in there, the richer times will come.
7-Faith...we have always had faith that things would improve, even during the darkest hours, God is with us!
8-Honesty...I know women who buy and hide shoes, buy and hide clothing, perfume, jewelry, this is a major no, no! Be honest and if you can't you need to examine why you can't.
8-Compromise, while it may at first look like your giving in, many times compromising brings about a richer reward in our hearts really must have love for the person you marry and not just the butterflies in your tummy love (BTW, I still get those after all these years), but the love that sticks with you through any and every challenge.
10-My grandmothers favorite, never go to bed angry, because in the morning you will still be angry and in the afternoon something could happen that you would regret for the rest of your life...always kiss each other good night, good moring, good bye and whenever you can!

Great post this morning!

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